The
Shy Child
by Marion C. Hyson and Karen Van Trieste |
Shyness is a
common but little understood emotion. Everyone has felt ambivalent or
self-conscious in new social situations. However, at times shyness may
interfere with optimal social development and restrict children's learning.
This digest (1) describes types and manifestations of shyness, (2) reviews
research on genetic, temperamental, and environmental influences on shyness,
(3) distinguishes between normal and problematic shyness, and (4) suggests ways
to help the shy child.
What
Is Shyness?
The basic
feeling of shyness is universal, and may have evolved as an adaptive mechanism
used to help individuals cope with novel social stimuli. Shyness is felt as a
mix of emotions, including fear and interest, tension and pleasantness.
Increase in heart rate and blood pressure may occur. An observer recognizes
shyness by an averted, downward gaze and physical and verbal reticence. The shy
person's speech is often soft, tremulous, or hesitant. Younger children may
suck their thumbs: some act coy, alternately smiling and pulling away (Izard
and Hyson, 1986).
Shyness is
distinguishable from two related behavior patterns; wariness and social
disengagement. Infant wariness of strangers lacks the ambivalent
approach/avoidance quality that characterizes shyness. Some older children may
prefer solitary play and appear to have low needs for social interaction, but
experience none of the tension of the genuinely shy child.
Children may be
vulnerable to shyness at particular developmental points. Fearful shyness in
response to new adults emerges in infancy. Cognitive advances in self-awareness
bring greater social sensitivity in the second year. Self-conscious shyness-the
possibility of embarrassment-appears at 4 or 5. Early adolescence ushers in a
peak of self-consciousness (Buss, 1986).
What
Situations Make Children Feel Shy?
New social
encounters are the most frequent causes of shyness, especially if the shy
person feels herself to be the focus of attention. An "epidemic of shyness"
(Zimbardo and Radl, 1981) has been attributed to the rapidly changing social
environment and competitive pressures of school and work with which 1980s
children and adults must cope. Adults who constantly call attention to what
others think of the child, or who allow the child little autonomy, may
encourage feelings of shyness.
Why
Are Some Children More Shy than Others?
Some children
are dispositional shy: they are more likely than other children to react to new
social situations with shy behavior. Even these children, however, may show
shyness only in certain kinds of social encounters. Researchers have implicated
both nurture and nature in these individual differences.
Some aspects of
shyness are learned. Children's cultural background and family environment
offer models of social behavior. Chinese children in day care have been found
to be more socially reticent than Caucasians, and Swedish children report more
social discomfort than Americans. Some parents, by labeling their children as
shy, appear to encourage a self- fulfilling prophecy; Adults may cajole coyly
shy children into social interaction, thus reinforcing shy behavior (Zimbardo
and Radl, 1981).
There is growing
evidence of a hereditary or temperamental basis for some variations of
dispositional shyness. In fact, heredity may play a larger part in shyness than
in any other personality trait (Daniels and Plomin, 1985). Adoption studies can
predict shyness in adopted children from the biological mother's sociability.
Extremely inhibited children show physiological differences from uninhibited
children, including higher and more stable heart rates. From ages 2 to 5, the
most inhibited children continue to show reticent behavior with new peers and
adults (Reznick and others, 1986). Patterns of social passivity or inhibition
are remarkably consistent in longitudinal studies of personality development.
Despite this
evidence, most researchers emphasize that genetic influences probably account
for only a small proportion of self-labeled shyness. Even hereditary
predispositions can be modified. Adopted children do acquire some of the
adoptive parents' social styles (Daniels and Plomin, 1985), and extremely
inhibited toddlers sometimes become more socially comfortable through their
parents' efforts (Reznick and others, 1986).
When
Is Shyness a Problem?
Shyness can be a
normal, adaptive response to potentially overwhelming social experience. By
being somewhat shy, children can withdraw temporarily and gain a sense of
control. Generally, as children gain experience with unfamiliar people, shyness
wanes. In the absence of other difficulties, shy children have not been found
to be significantly at-risk for psychiatric or behavior problems (Honig, 1987).
In contrast, children who exhibit extreme shyness which is neither
context-specific nor transient may be at some risk. Such children may lack
social skills or have poor self-images (Sarafinio, 1986). Shy children have
been found to be less competent at initiating play with peers. School-age
children who rate themselves as shy tend to like themselves less and consider
themselves less friendly and more passive than their non-shy peers (Zimbardo
and Radl, 1981). Such factors negatively affect others' perceptions. Zimbardo
reports that shy people are often judged by peers to be less friendly and
likeable than non-shy people. For all these reasons, shy children may be
neglected by peers, and have few chances to develop social skills. Children who
continue to be excessively shy into adolescence and adulthood describe
themselves as being more lonely, and having fewer close friends and
relationships with members of the opposite sex, than their peers.
Strategies
for Helping a Shy Child
Know
and Accept the Whole Child.
Being sensitive to the child's interests and feelings will allow you to build a
relationship with the child and show that you respect the child. This can make
the child more confident and less inhibited.
Build
Self-Esteem. Shy
children may have negative self-images and feel that they will not be accepted.
Reinforce shy children for demonstrating skills and encourage their autonomy.
Praise them often. "Children who feel good about themselves are not likely to
be shy" (Sarafino, 1986, p. 191).
Develop
Social Skills.
Reinforce shy children for social behavior, even if it is only parallel play.
Honig (1987) recommends teaching children "social skill words" ("Can I play,
too?") and role-playing social entry techniques. Also, opportunities for play
with young children in one-on-0one situations may allow shy children to become
more assertive (Furman, Rahe, and Hartup, 1979). Play with new groups of peers
permits shy children to make a fresh start and achieve a higher peer status.
Allow
the Shy Child to Warm Up to New Situations.
Pushing a child into a situation which he or she sees as threatening is not
likely to help the child build social skill. Help the child feel secure and
provide interesting materials to lure him or her into social interactions
(Honig, 1987).
Remember
That Shyness Is Not All Bad.
Not every child needs to be the focus of attention. Some qualities of shyness,
such as modesty and reserve, are viewed as positive (Jones, Cheek, and Briggs,
1986). As long as a child does not seem excessively uncomfortable or neglected
around others, drastic interventions are not necessary.
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